Redneck Newlyweds
A week after their marriage,
the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried,"
said the husband.
"My testicles are turning blue." "That's pretty unusual,"
said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough,
the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife.
"Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape"
The Redneck's Family Tree
Many many years ago when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mom and it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
The Redneck & the Dog in Heat
On a hot summer day, a redneck cowboy came riding into town on his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck cowboy replies, "No way dog's in heat; he's cool cause I got'im tied under the shade of the tree." The policeman says, "No! you don't understand; your dog needs to be bred." No way", the redneck cowboys says, "dog don't need bread, he's not hungry, cause I fed him beef jerky this mornin". Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!"
The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a police dog!"