You might be a Redneck Jedi

Redneck Jedi

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi if...

you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
you say "these are not the beers you are looking for."
you say that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"
you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".
your landspeeder has a gun rack.
you meditate to old CCR records.
you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
your X-Wing has a still in it.
your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
There is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
you use Jawas for a drink holders.
you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.

your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
you think the best use of your light saber is cleaning your teeth.
at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
there is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
a peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
wookies are offended by your B.O.
you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
you think that Jabba the Hutt really knows how to pick up good looking chicks.
you've got a stuffed womp rat from Begger's Canyon on your mantle.
your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millenium Falcon.
you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
you're flying a ship that has no original parts.
parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
your blind date was arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
people mistake your house for a jawa used droids and speeder parts dealership.
the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.
you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
you've moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba's Gamorean guards.
your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.
you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
your lightsaber came with a "money back guarantee".
your lightsaber is equiped with a "kick start". your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, "May the force be with you."
you use your lightsabor as a flare and you hear Ma say from the back porch, "Billy Bob, you get your ass in here rite now you're gunna put Bubba's other eye out!".
your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had.
you use your lightsabor to open the door on your chevy pickup.
you wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
AWookie told you to shave.
your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine.
you can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.
the moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

Dont forget to check out the store. We have lots of cool Redneck stuff.

you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
you beat the Gammorean Guard in an "ugly" contest.
your father's name is Garth Vader.
you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
you have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
you have ever used the force in conjunction with bowling or a spitting contest.
you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
you have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
you wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
you've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
you've ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
you have the words "Foxy Lady" or a playboy bunny painted on your land speeder.
you bought hanging air fresheners for your friend's X-Wing at Christmas time.
you use the "O" on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
you wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
you call the Emporer "That old ugly dude in the house coat."

Submitted by Shawn Rung.

you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"

Submitted by Rene Schweitzer.

you actually enjoyed seeing the Princess Naboo get kicked off her throne and let a man rule the world.
you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.
you've ever used a lightsaber to save yourself from a hellashus impact.
your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.
you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother "tell me if this hurts".
you were buried with your lightsabor.
you have ever gone deer huntin' with a lightsaber.
you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.
you brand cattle with a lightsaber.

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